I wrote this back in June, when the relationship I am in now was at it's height of being a complete frustrated waste of time. Or so I thought.
When I came across this blog post just a few minutes and read it in it's full, I have realized that it's almost been a year since I felt the way I did, then. But it's comical because lately, I have been this way almost, 50%. Day by day questioning the existence of what I have now, to what I wanted back then..
"We Were Never Meant to be Baby, We just.. happened?"
-June 2009.
My heart's on fire. Explicit content.
This ones for you, and you know who you are. Whether you read this or not, I'm talking directly to you. Call this my confession. Everything I have ever wanted to say to you, is being posted here, for the whoever to see, the world, your eyes, my eyes, theirs eyes. & I promise to be completely honest with you, & myself... Let your eyes listen, take a deep breath, & now, LETITOUTT.
To say that ' I love you. ' is an understatement, because there's no words to reflect, or even express in enough passion. I'm out there; emotionally Emotionally & willingly open, all for you. I would do anything for you, anything in this world with you, & only you, it's honestly an unbelievable feeling, that I have never felt.
I need to let this go, us go, & you go. I need to realize that we're living in a mess two years in the process of creating that we are no longer able to clean up. We, need to realize it's far past ' making it work. ' when it's more like, ' Letting this go.' But it's not giving up, it's giving in to the truth. It's obvious that I will miss you, more than anything, that I have ever missed in my life with every part of me. I shouldn 't even have to say it. I love you to death, but it's your love that is emotionally killing me. I'm not saying that we had to be perfect, but damn we should of tried, & when we didn't, we fell apart. It hurts to say, I guess I couldn't of held you down, ride or died, because that was a promise that I had made to you from the jump. A side of me can't see myself without you, or us ever breaking up, & the other side knows, this wasn't meant to be.
" Sure everyone has their problems. That's a given.
This isn't what we was wanting, How we're living.
But let's take this good enough & turn it to great.
This can only be as good as we both make it, but sometimes it's gunna hurt.
We can be as happy as we want to be, boy. But we gotta make it work." -Neyo *
Eb* , you'll always have my heart, or at least be apart of it. I'm going to have those days where all I want to do is call you, to bother you. And hear you laugh with me, about something so small, or so stupid, talk to you until we fall asleep, or you fall asleep, or my phone dies. I'm going to miss your ways, and how you piss me off. I'm going to miss our problems, & complaining about them. I'm going to miss how you'd randomly tell me you love me, & then laugh afterward. Missing your calls, to calling you back, & waiting for you to call wicked late at night. I'm going to miss knowing I had someone. I going to miss the idea of 'us', terribly. I'm going to always wear your ' E. ' necklace, everyday, just because. And then I'm going to eventually learn from our mistakes.
Like all good things, we must come to an end. Like, the end of high school, and how those 'perfect moments' don't last forever, & they eventually come to an end, yeah. But as promised, LoveAlways.
... It feels SO good, to let this all out. Even if you're just a stranger reading this, not knowing a damn thing about my situation, or this situation in general. Whether you can relate, it feels good. And it'll feel even better, If I knew, that somewhere the one this is dedicated to, was reading this, that his eyes were following my every word in rhythm.
Farewell, to my sunshine. To my rainy days, and my rainbows. To us, & my best friend.
Time don't go back, it goes forward,
At one point in time, this is what we wanted.
-June 2009.
My heart's on fire. Explicit content.
This ones for you, and you know who you are. Whether you read this or not, I'm talking directly to you. Call this my confession. Everything I have ever wanted to say to you, is being posted here, for the whoever to see, the world, your eyes, my eyes, theirs eyes. & I promise to be completely honest with you, & myself... Let your eyes listen, take a deep breath, & now, LETITOUTT.
To say that ' I love you. ' is an understatement, because there's no words to reflect, or even express in enough passion. I'm out there; emotionally Emotionally & willingly open, all for you. I would do anything for you, anything in this world with you, & only you, it's honestly an unbelievable feeling, that I have never felt.
" I'm a mess right now. Out of order, I'm torn up, I'm going down.
Won't you hold me together, I'm pouring out.
I need you, that's how I feel." -KERIHILSON.
Won't you hold me together, I'm pouring out.
I need you, that's how I feel." -KERIHILSON.
I have put you on a pedestal, & there I kept you, there you stayed. I never took you down, ever. Even when you would make me cry, hurt my feelings, or just say something stupid. You just, sat there. I cared about your feelings, more than I ever cared about mine, as long as you were happy. I always put you first, because you were MY first. My first love, my first heartbreak, pickmeup, relationship. I gave you my absolute everything & in return, you came up short. Nothing. What we have or had, will never compare to something genuine. But maybe it's just me, & my false hope, because I feel as though being a couple, really makes two people one. Why don't I feel like that with you ? What I'm looking for in a relationship, is something you're not giving me. And I'm currently falling in & out of love with you, & then I'll always come back.
"Tell me have you ever been in a situation, where the best thing you could do, was the hardest thing you've ever done? But you tried to do what's right. And I know deep down inside, that I really want be there by your side, but I can't stand to see you cry, Not when it's because of me.." -JaggedEdge.
I need to let this go, us go, & you go. I need to realize that we're living in a mess two years in the process of creating that we are no longer able to clean up. We, need to realize it's far past ' making it work. ' when it's more like, ' Letting this go.' But it's not giving up, it's giving in to the truth. It's obvious that I will miss you, more than anything, that I have ever missed in my life with every part of me. I shouldn 't even have to say it. I love you to death, but it's your love that is emotionally killing me. I'm not saying that we had to be perfect, but damn we should of tried, & when we didn't, we fell apart. It hurts to say, I guess I couldn't of held you down, ride or died, because that was a promise that I had made to you from the jump. A side of me can't see myself without you, or us ever breaking up, & the other side knows, this wasn't meant to be.
" Sure everyone has their problems. That's a given.
This isn't what we was wanting, How we're living.
But let's take this good enough & turn it to great.
This can only be as good as we both make it, but sometimes it's gunna hurt.
We can be as happy as we want to be, boy. But we gotta make it work." -Neyo *
Eb* , you'll always have my heart, or at least be apart of it. I'm going to have those days where all I want to do is call you, to bother you. And hear you laugh with me, about something so small, or so stupid, talk to you until we fall asleep, or you fall asleep, or my phone dies. I'm going to miss your ways, and how you piss me off. I'm going to miss our problems, & complaining about them. I'm going to miss how you'd randomly tell me you love me, & then laugh afterward. Missing your calls, to calling you back, & waiting for you to call wicked late at night. I'm going to miss knowing I had someone. I going to miss the idea of 'us', terribly. I'm going to always wear your ' E. ' necklace, everyday, just because. And then I'm going to eventually learn from our mistakes.
Like all good things, we must come to an end. Like, the end of high school, and how those 'perfect moments' don't last forever, & they eventually come to an end, yeah. But as promised, LoveAlways.
... It feels SO good, to let this all out. Even if you're just a stranger reading this, not knowing a damn thing about my situation, or this situation in general. Whether you can relate, it feels good. And it'll feel even better, If I knew, that somewhere the one this is dedicated to, was reading this, that his eyes were following my every word in rhythm.
Farewell, to my sunshine. To my rainy days, and my rainbows. To us, & my best friend.
Time don't go back, it goes forward,
At one point in time, this is what we wanted.
