Just because I feel like it,

Shorty is a Killa,
Straight HeartBreaker..

& I swear Im`a be the death of him.

This is what you do to me,

Like that glass, You broke me, you really did. You ruined me, honestly. I lost myself in you, & something I can't explain took over.. couldn't control it. It was drastic, too much for me to handle. I've grown with you, indeed. But I also lost that emotional part of me, that I'll never get back. My heart was on my sleeve for you, the whole time.. I loved you more than you would ever know. More than you will ever know. I love you, regardless.. flaws & all. It takes time to make something worth while & with false hope, I believed we did that .. we didn't. And that's my fault, I knew exactly what you were doing all along, but like a rider, or someone in love.. Right by your side, stood me, Me.. I did everything for you.. And you? You, put me through hell & back.. and I, like I always remind you .. I always came back. It was connection, but with no feeling, silly as it sounds. I don't know what happened to us exactly. Why we fell so hard & and hit rock bottom. Thing is ? I really don't know how the hell I trapped myself to the point I know I can't get out.. you made me feel like no other. Your bullshit moves, and I still loved you.
I feel like, you're fucking stupid. Like you just don't get it.. like you don't know why you did the things you did, why you move the way you move. You were my peace of mind, and when you left, my sanity held your hand.. and walked right beside you.. and was gone. My world came crashing down. Couldn't control myself. You stopped calling, and there was no more missed calls. I kept calling, no answer. Three times.. no answer. And you? Couldn't care less. It's impossible for me to give one, two, three fucks now.. about what you do.. or how you do it . Cause you hurt me soo much , that I hate you . Seriously . Feels bad of me, but I can't control it. The way you hurt me, slowly turned into impatience and disgust and anger. Looking back, I see broken promises, you not being the man you promised me to be. You not living up. Fuck it. Ask yourself.. who stayed real through this entire thing, me .. or you? Swear to God, if you sit here, read this and say to yourself.. I'll go crazy. I made you smile, you made me cry. I went under, drowned myself in you.. while you? didn't even get your goddamn feet wet. It irritates me to know, you can go on in life and not feel a damn thing, while the person you 'Loved.' is hurting, day by day. You got what you wanted , remember? You wanted me to feel the same pain, if not worse, as you did when you found out that I cheated on you. You wanted to rip my heart out and stomp on it, and then leave it there on the floor, lifeless.. you wanted to really fucking hurt me, after I apologized to you, for every little fucking thing I did. I apologized to you, in tears.. because I felt so bad, I hurt so bad, for hurting someone I love soo much. Our constant problems pushed you away.. and I'm afraid you're not mature enough, to come back.
But as my last words, to you.. for you or about you, I hope you fucking miss me. I hope the thought of you ever leaving, hurts you. Because I hurts me. And I hope when you do decide to come back, or say ' Hi. ' or whatever you have planned in the future as your comeback.. I hope you come back hard. Hit HARDER, & sweep me off my feet, make me fall in love all over again and do us real big. But again, that's my false hope. My fault. I just hope, that at the end of the day, you think about me. Never forget. Because for the most part, what we had.. was what we wanted, at the time. I'm done for now, so one for now.. and possibly forever.
..you'll live in my memories forever more I swear.

I Love you, but damn. You're killing me here.

Mmm , this is my shittt . . .

you, turned your back & back i came runninq .. but the simple fact was that, you ain't wantt me . done enouqh cryinq & lyinq to myself. nothinq else to do but moveee. what else could i do but leave.. and then you 'll come to your senses, but then its too late , that's always how it be. but next dude will glady, pick up where you left offf. Wife me. But you ain't qunna have me..
crying. - MJB * .

Jahmai Jahron ♥

"mai mai."

`october25th2oo6*

myfirstbabyboy,
But don't get it twisted.
-my godson.
♥

.. ILOVEYOU.

He had my heart, before he had my heart,<3.>

And Beauty is her name,

"...the girl that stole your ♥ , & beauty is her name."


"..I'm hoping I can make you mine.. before another steals your heart, & I Swear we will never be apart."

...

So today is Tuesday, & Tomorrow is Wednesday, hmm. What does that mean? .. well, it means I go back to freakinq school tomorrow : \ And that SUCKS because I am literally drowning in make-upp work. Seriously, if you saw my room right now, woah. Looks like my locker exploded, books EVERYWHERE. So I guess you could say, I'm not THAT excitedd to go back. But getting out this house, THANK GOD. I'd write more .. but I have mad homework to do, & I'm not a ffucking genius.
So Byeee.



"And I'll never, never in this world. Get tired of your Love."
-Beauty is her Name, Dru Hill.

Must be ♥ ...

* But baby this must be Love <3.

Final sealing, to something broken.

When it all falls, d o w n,

...

I was hurting in this relationship, everyday was something new. Something to fight about, whether it was serious or not. And we fought, all the time, for soo long, where sometimes i felt you couldn’t give a shit whether we worked it out, or not. And that hurt me the most. More than arguing with you. Knowing that i wouldn’t have the satisfaction of an apology to make me feel better. You always got one, and i never did. In order for me to really grow up, i needed to know when & how & why you have to let some things just go.. and it’s not one of those, let them go and hope they come back things either. Because i done all that. I held on to that hope for soo long, its sad to see it fade away. But we faded, and more than anything i wanted a relationship with you, and only you. No games. We didn’t have that.. it was something, more than friends, sure enough, but less than a couple. Cant describe it. In order to get it, i needed to swallow my pride, mind over heart, and let it go. You don’t understand how much it hurt me. you’ll never know, because there’s no words to even BEGIN to explain. We were soo much better as friends, than in a complicated relationship. But i wanted you soo bad. Just not in the way i had you. I settled for less, and again, another drop in pride. It feels fatal, to lose you… but I know it won’t kill me, if anything, it’ll make me stronger. We both did what we had to do, and that was that. I’ll miss you more than you’ll ever know, and I love you with every emotion i have in my body, to death. You were something i thought i’d never be able to let go. I won’t miss us being in a relationship though.. well maybe, from the first month.. but after that, forget about it. I understand why you can’t trust me now, but I can’t believe you couldn’t trust me before i gave you a reason not to. It wasn’t fair. I have and had trust issues, but with you i took the biggest risk, because my heart was involved. One of the most important things i own, I gave to you. I put you first, always, always, always. I don’t know what made me come back after all the fighting, every time. We were a mess, let’s call it that.
Broken glass, everywhere. Cause everywhere we stepped, one of us got hurt. I wanted you back after the first day of the official break up.. but i couldn’t fathom putting myself, and my heart through that emotional torture again. So i had to deal, and come to terms that me & you are no longer. I still can’t believe we hurt each other as much as we did. Back and forth, all the time. The little game we played, shitt on our relationship & fucked it up, bad. From me cheating on you, to you doing whatever it was you were definitely, secretly doing, it hurt us. And whatever we had, or were trying to build, fell apart before we even had it up. Which cleary meant, we were not meant to be. We were a disaster waiting to happen, fire before smoke. we weren’t reality, we were the perfect example of fantasy, lust over love, but even the lust burned out…
I guess this is Goodbye, Goodnight & Goodluck.
& it's a damn shame.

Tell him the truth.

& That's exactly what the fuck I did,

Not in the mood for this.

Untitled.

... untitled because this is for me & you, and seeing as though I can't put a label, or a title on me and you.. this is the most appropriate.. no title, because there's no story. Right?

Im going to talk about how I feel, And not how I felt. Cause I'm so over that crying bullshit; I'm ready to do me. Cause I see you doing you, & I can't do anything about that. So don't let me get in the way, of you & yours.

So let this shit begin,

Today was better, I talked to my .. um? FRIEND,BOY ( to say the least. ) today. & things aren't going anywhere, but I feel it somewhere, I'm getting closer, & closer, to my dream. My dream is you.. Well, let me tell you about my dream, our dream, for me & you, us.

I want you to be my everything, & same back around. I want to be your bestfriend, your nigga, someone you feel so comfortable with in times where you need me the most. I want you show me off to the world & tell them other nigga 's to "kick rocks" cause I'm your baby, & this is yours. I want your aways to be about me, & my picture on your page, I want to be second on your top.. I want the little things. I want us to feel right, soo right. I want the connection, the spark. the never letting go.. I want something that makes us happy, & stronger. I want to take you out; .. take you to see my family. I want you to meet my godson<3. style="font-style: italic;">I know you got me in your heart baby, I know that you could love me if you only had a guarentee. When I look at your face, it's so empty.. I know I could fill you with love baby, cause your soul is crying for me.. can't deny our energy. & you're far, i'm here. you're there, i'm here, you're hurting for me. I can see it in your eyes, so now my heart is thinking of reasons to achieve, with patience.
you dont gotta do anything in a hurry.. i know you're there, you got mee <3.>

But Maybe that's asking for a little bit too much..

Right? Am I right .. You gotta help me out here,
Cause I plead the muther fucking Fifth.



I'm just tired of the bulllshit, man.
it becomes more incessant, everyday.

It's fatal you know,

I'm over, going over board.
I'm over, over-doing it.
I'm over it. But that doesn't sound so nice, now does it?


That 5O/5O shit.. was never actually 5O/5O by any means.
95/5 sounds better, & I'll give you that 5, because at least you could choke up an 'I Love You' every once in awhile.

You're losin' me pal, you're really really losin' me.

The prettiest people, do the ugliest thingss.

You should never judge a person before you either take a walk in their shoes, or get to know them. I've learned this the hard way.

You can't look at someone, & see right through them, you can't be told their story before they open their mouth, and know how they live until you've personally been to their house. You'll never understand a situation until you've been in it, yourself. And people who point the finger, whether the middle one, or any other, bother the shit out of me. And I can't stress that enough, I CAN NOT STAND A MUTHER FUCKER WHO JUDGES.

There's so many reasons why you just shouldn't. Out of respect, and out of common sense.
That hobo you see living on the street? You laugh. Sound familiar? Cause everyone fucking does it.
I'd be a hypocrite if I say I've never laughed, or stared..
But with maturity comes reason and truth, and I'm telling you now,
a homeless person, is not funny.
Dead ass.

The way I see it, I don't have to get know you, it is not my obligation. Because if I were the least be interested, you'll know. But with that said, I will not judge your character, especially if I do not know it.


The mother who strips? Someone got to feed her kids and ever since daddy left.. shit's been hard.

That nigga selling weight? Gotta take care of his family somehow, right? When money calls, you answer.

There's always an alternative to what you do, but there's always a reason why people don't choose it.

And that is why it's hard, to be successful.

I'm all over the place, With shit to do.
...peace out.

Dear Mr. Heartbreaker,

today you made me cry.
but you said you'd always want to make me happy.

P. s. Please Promise to Never Do that again.

It's one of those, ( ... ] Moments.

But don't disrespect it. It's still equally important.


Its a gamble, you & I. One day we're up, the next.. down.
From one extreme to the next. I can't even explain why we fight soo much.
So fuck itt..
Cause when you start switching up, I get the picture.
Andd you couldn't of painted it, anymore clearer.


But let's take a trip down fantasy land, shall we?
How does, today, tomorrow, yesterday, & forever sound?
How would your last name, on mine Look?

Such a beautiful visual, ain't it?



At the end of the day, it's still EB&JG♥Always. Yup, cause you'll always be my always.
Nomatterwhat.

The typical; Husband&Wife.
which is why, marriage will never be me.

Addiction .

Im`a show you that you are my world..
actions do speak louder than words,
So here I go baby, ready to show you baby;
you are the one I need, you're all I know baby.
- TynishaKeli.

I just can't say no to you baby,
Whatever you want..I'm soo gone, I'cant think.
And I think this could be Love, this could be ♥
Cause I'm soo In Love.
-Ciara.

All I got is a dollar & dream, so Is you gonna roll with me?
-Songz.

So can you do me a favor, if I pull it together, make it sooner than later?
We won't be here forever..
& I realized I waited tooo long,
but Please don't move on,
You doin't need no one else.
-Drake.


Was I foul or just misunderstood?
Mind-mannered or just up to no good?
Really doesn't matter, either way I should,
maximize the moment & just hold you close..
We movin` too fast the whole world's in a rush,
Everbody just hush.
-L.L.

I'm jumping in, no Life saver don't know when I'm coming up,

deep sea diving in your treasure, I'm giving you all this pleasure.
..I`m soo into you, so deep I don't know what to do.
Just let the water flow, `till the tidal wave washes us ashore.
-Pleasure P.

We were never meant to be Baby , we Just ... HAPPENED?

My heart's on fire. Explicit content.

This ones for you, and you know who you are. Whether you read this or not, I'm talking directly to you. Call this my confession. Everything I have ever wanted to say to you, is being posted here, for the whoever to see, the world, your eyes, my eyes, theirs eyes. & I promise to be completely honest with you, & myself... Let your eyes listen, take a deep breath, & now, LETITOUTT.

To say that ' I love you. ' is an understatement, because there's no words to reflect, or even express in enough passion. I'm out there; emotionally Emotionally & willingly open, all for you. I would do anything for you, anything in this world with you, & only you, it's honestly an unbelievable feeling, that I have never felt.

" I'm a mess right now. Out of order, I'm torn up, I'm going down.
Won't you hold me together, I'm pouring out.
I need you, that's how I feel." -KERIHILSON.

I have put you on a pedestal, & there I kept you, there you stayed. I never took you down, ever. Even when you would make me cry, hurt my feelings, or just say something stupid. You just, sat there. I cared about your feelings, more than I ever cared about mine, as long as you were happy. I always put you first, because you were MY first. My first love, my first heartbreak, pickmeup, relationship. I gave you my absolute everything & in return, you came up short. Nothing. What we have or had, will never compare to something genuine. But maybe it's just me, & my false hope, because I feel as though being a couple, really makes two people one. Why don't I feel like that with you ? What I'm looking for in a relationship, is something you're not giving me. And I'm currently falling in & out of love with you, & then I'll always come back.

"Tell me have you ever been in a situation, where the best thing you could do, was the hardest thing you've ever done? But you tried to do what's right. And I know deep down inside, that I really want be there by your side, but I can't stand to see you cry, Not when it's because of me.." -JaggedEdge.

I need to let this go, us go, & you go. I need to realize that we're living in a mess two years in the process of creating that we are no longer able to clean up. We, need to realize it's far past ' making it work. ' when it's more like, ' Letting this go.' But it's not giving up, it's giving in to the truth. It's obvious that I will miss you, more than anything, that I have ever missed in my life with every part of me. I shouldn 't even have to say it. I love you to death, but it's your love that is emotionally killing me. I'm not saying that we had to be perfect, but damn we should of tried, & when we didn't, we fell apart. It hurts to say, I guess I couldn't of held you down, ride or died, because that was a promise that I had made to you from the jump. A side of me can't see myself without you, or us ever breaking up, & the other side knows, this wasn't meant to be.

" Sure everyone has their problems. That's a given.

This isn't what we was wanting, How we're living.
But let's take this good enough & turn it to great.
This can only be as good as we both make it, but sometimes it's gunna hurt.
We can be as happy as we want to be, boy. But we gotta make it work." -Neyo *

Eb* , you'll always have my heart, or at least be apart of it. I'm going to have those days where all I want to do is call you, to bother you. And hear you laugh with me, about something so small, or so stupid, talk to you until we fall asleep, or you fall asleep, or my phone dies. I'm going to miss your ways, and how you piss me off. I'm going to miss our problems, & complaining about them. I'm going to miss how you'd randomly tell me you love me, & then laugh afterward. Missing your calls, to calling you back, & waiting for you to call wicked late at night. I'm going to miss knowing I had someone. I going to miss the idea of 'us', terribly. I'm going to always wear your ' E. ' necklace, everyday, just because. And then I'm going to eventually learn from our mistakes.
Like all good things, we must come to an end. Like, the end of high school, and how those 'perfect moments' don't last forever, & they eventually come to an end, yeah. But as promised, LoveAlways.


... It feels SO good, to let this all out. Even if you're just a stranger reading this, not knowing a damn thing about my situation, or this situation in general. Whether you can relate, it feels good. And it'll feel even better, If I knew, that somewhere the one this is dedicated to, was reading this, that his eyes were following my every word in rhythm.

Farewell, to my sunshine. To my rainy days, and my rainbows. To us, & my best friend.

Time don't go back, it goes forward,
At one point in time, this is what we wanted.