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I was hurting in this relationship, everyday was something new. Something to fight about, whether it was serious or not. And we fought, all the time, for soo long, where sometimes i felt you couldn’t give a shit whether we worked it out, or not. And that hurt me the most. More than arguing with you. Knowing that i wouldn’t have the satisfaction of an apology to make me feel better. You always got one, and i never did. In order for me to really grow up, i needed to know when & how & why you have to let some things just go.. and it’s not one of those, let them go and hope they come back things either. Because i done all that. I held on to that hope for soo long, its sad to see it fade away. But we faded, and more than anything i wanted a relationship with you, and only you. No games. We didn’t have that.. it was something, more than friends, sure enough, but less than a couple. Cant describe it. In order to get it, i needed to swallow my pride, mind over heart, and let it go. You don’t understand how much it hurt me. you’ll never know, because there’s no words to even BEGIN to explain. We were soo much better as friends, than in a complicated relationship. But i wanted you soo bad. Just not in the way i had you. I settled for less, and again, another drop in pride. It feels fatal, to lose you… but I know it won’t kill me, if anything, it’ll make me stronger. We both did what we had to do, and that was that. I’ll miss you more than you’ll ever know, and I love you with every emotion i have in my body, to death. You were something i thought i’d never be able to let go. I won’t miss us being in a relationship though.. well maybe, from the first month.. but after that, forget about it. I understand why you can’t trust me now, but I can’t believe you couldn’t trust me before i gave you a reason not to. It wasn’t fair. I have and had trust issues, but with you i took the biggest risk, because my heart was involved. One of the most important things i own, I gave to you. I put you first, always, always, always. I don’t know what made me come back after all the fighting, every time. We were a mess, let’s call it that.
Broken glass, everywhere. Cause everywhere we stepped, one of us got hurt. I wanted you back after the first day of the official break up.. but i couldn’t fathom putting myself, and my heart through that emotional torture again. So i had to deal, and come to terms that me & you are no longer. I still can’t believe we hurt each other as much as we did. Back and forth, all the time. The little game we played, shitt on our relationship & fucked it up, bad. From me cheating on you, to you doing whatever it was you were definitely, secretly doing, it hurt us. And whatever we had, or were trying to build, fell apart before we even had it up. Which cleary meant, we were not meant to be. We were a disaster waiting to happen, fire before smoke. we weren’t reality, we were the perfect example of fantasy, lust over love, but even the lust burned out…
& it's a damn shame.
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